I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Randomize
