id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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