so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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