in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
You are a genius and a whore.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
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