I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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