my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
Randomize
