Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
