never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
Farmville is her only friend.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
