I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Randomize
