And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
