I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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