we made out on top of his cat.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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