There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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