lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Randomize
