He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
