Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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