His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
