That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
