if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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