I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
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