i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize