Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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