he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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