i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
