I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
