she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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