Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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