I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
