Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
cat food counts as protein by the way
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
