I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
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