How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
