apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
