he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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