I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
