jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
