the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
