Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
