watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
