you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
