i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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