you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
Randomize
