please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
