please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
