my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
