ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
