Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
