i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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