I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize