Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
