Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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