I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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