..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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