Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was confusing and full of hummus
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
