Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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