I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
