why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
