I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
You took a bar mat shot.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
