So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
