This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
