Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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