theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Randomize
