Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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