but the lizard people decide everything anyway
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
