As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
