I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
