im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
