just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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