babies were throwing up all over the place
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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