im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
