i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
