Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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